Finding My Voice Again
The story behind why I decided to finally start sharing my music after all these years.
If you read my radical healing story you will know that my first big show was in front of 1.2 Million people in Times Square back for New Year's Eve in 2010. I was discovered at a coffee shop and quickly became a model & signed singer in Los Angeles when I was 19 years old, but God had other plans for my life and a quick arrival on the music scene was not what He had in mind.
I had no idea what was in store when I 'quit' music after my national debut, I had no idea I would start remembering crazy things about my childhood, get a tumor on my face, and lose my family all in one year, but God knew. It was a total miracle I pulled out of my career when I did because thanks to the money I made from my big debut I was able to support myself and have peace during the toughest two years of healing that took place in 2011-2012 when I first started piecing together my mysterious past and figured out that who I thought I was my whole life was actually not the truest picture of me.
I journeyed through severe trauma symptoms and battled the brokenness of a family that sexual abuse tore apart, but I kept believing that some small part of me was still untouched by pain, untouched by loss, and untouched by trauma. I lost myself a few times, but finally after 10 years a massive fight was birthed in my soul when my dad sued me for telling the real story behind my songs, and I WON.
Shortly after this crazy battle to win the legal right to talk about my life I experienced a radical change in perspective, an unexpected hope rising in my heart, a tough 'enough is enough' attitude that could only have come from my experience winning the lawsuit and getting to feel 'defended' for the first time in my life. Instead of cowering in fear and defeat, I fought for my voice and won it back. Everything changed after this. It was as if my hunger for justice created a hunger for true breakthrough and freedom from pain. I became desperate enough to call on Jesus to save me, not knowing what would happen, but angrily believing what I heard preached and demanding that this 'total freedom' in Christ would actually become my reality.
And it did. My chronic illness/medical mystery tumor on my face disappeared after my baptism in 2019 and so did all my 60 symptoms of trauma. I felt shame and that survivor 'grossness' leave my body in the 6-months after my decision to follow Jesus and well, now the rest is being written right now as you read this.
Coming to life again with Jesus has brought new life to my artistry 12 years after my debut. He helped me win the right to talk about my life, He healed me completely from my chronic illness & trauma symptoms after all the therapies & treatments couldn't, He removed the stain, weight, & pain I used to carry in my soul, and because of this, I have renewed energy and the deepest connection ever to the fire that fuels my lyrics & love for music. It's with this new hope that I've accepted God's challenge to release ALL my 'archived' songs, 66 out of hundreds, and give my artistry a voice & let people see me again. This time I know who I am and who I am doesn't scare me anymore.
I hope you love my music and find it to be energizing, heart-filled, dramatic, honest, and fun. I hope you enjoy all the genres that have come out of a decade-long songwriting session. I hope you feel the fire in my heart and that this fire ignites a similar flame & hunger for a full life in you.